I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
