Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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