Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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