Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
