He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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