You work out of a Hotel?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sarcasm needs its own font
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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