dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
