Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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