She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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