hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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