I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
