love makes seman taste better
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
