Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
