My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
