Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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