I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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