dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize