wakey wakey hands off snakey
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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