I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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