I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
