WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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