I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
