I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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