if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
