Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
