yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
