It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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