i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
