I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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