hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
