i think my mom watched the whole time
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
