Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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