Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
