Only a mothe r could love this liver
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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