I need help removing her.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
