so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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