He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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