It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
