therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
