Your face is a jimmy john
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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