sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
