the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
