If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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