honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
