sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
