i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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