Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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