I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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