Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
only if we run a train.
done.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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