Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
