Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
