I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
