we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
