So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
