Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My balls are so social today.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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