sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
