Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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