I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This house was built for laser tag.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
