OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
