Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
