it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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