3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
