you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
