i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
