Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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