I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
