i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
