just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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