Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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