i just sent this text using only my big toe
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize