I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
