well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
this is an emotional support booty call
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
