It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
