You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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