I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
