Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was confusing and full of hummus
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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