I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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