Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize