I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
