awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
