guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
